Dear younger me,
You probably won't recognize me because of the extra pounds I put on and the constantly thinning hair that I possess. I have been trying, believe me, but could never get my perfect desired result.
When you get into the 9th standard, do not study all the time. Believe me; you will get better results if you do not fuss over your unfinished syllabus. And that math marks you got, it won't define your future, not even the parameter of your boards marks.
The rumours that the class's gossiping about, believe me, they are all dog shit. And that girl you are making fun of because she is fat, or not good in studies or does not fit into your definition of perfectness, stop that. A day will come when people will talk behind your back.
The boy that is all ‘head over heels' for you, believe me, he's not. I am proud of you though to not have neglected your studies then but I'd have been more proud if you did not fall into his ‘love'.
You remember the day you cried because your parents cut you off from social media usage? It was the best day. You gave time to your life, you were obedient and a wise child.
I understand that you scored an above average percentage in ICSE and I understand that you took up science as your stream for your ISCs but you do not need to feel like you have become a very important person and your friends from other streams have zero knowledge.
Yes, you've got your phone; yes you can talk to your boyfriend whenever you wish to but, young lady, study for God's sake. And please do not stand in front of the mirror and criticize your features, you are just fifteen; you do not need to be so harsh on yourself. Everybody has imperfections. You cannot look like those on the magazine covers. That is an unreal standard. Embrace the fact that your imperfections make yourself unique.
Do not cry for that boy. He's not even worth half of you. He won't notice your endless tears. He will brush those away like you never were important to him. Your mother will ask about your swollen eyes, never him. Learn to respect your body and learn to respect and love yourself. Your lost self-respect gave him chance to treat you like an inferior and take you for granted.
The day you got your ISC marks and you cried hard because it was way below your expectation, you were right. You could have done better. The drop year you are taking requires a lot of patience along with long hours of study; you are doing just half the work. Do not become overly anxious about the test outcome, calm down, do not cry and study. Believe me, you will get through.
Life will give you a lot of second chances, the universe is not conspiring against you. The fact that you are achieving only a little of your potential is because you give up too early. Always remember, fretting over anything never sets it alright. You need to work hard to achieve something.
Lastly, young lady, take those brushes out and blow the dust over your colour box. Learn a new skill; never be afraid to do anything out of your comfort zone and read more.
Love,
Your 20-year-old self
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